Seth Panattoni
Keep it in Your Pants
Imagine this: It’s a Saturday night. You and your girlfriend (I’m a guy, so this is my situation) are sitting on her couch watching a movie at well past 11 o’clock. She’s leaning on your chest and both of you are lying stretched out. The movie ends. She looks up at you. You realize how in the soft glow of the television she is stunningly beautiful. “I’m going to put on something more comfortable,” she says, “You want to join me?” There it is. The invitation for sex. Your mind is racing. What do you do? Your sex drive is speeding, but in the back of your mind something else is throwing up a big caution sign. Your conscience. Damn your conscience, but it is right. You decline sex. Premarital sex is not a game. Premarital sex is wrong because it goes against your better judgment and morals, threatens with pregnancy, STDs, mental disorders, and of course it ensnares you with guilt.
The issue of morality is probably the biggest factor that we deal with when considering whether or not to engage in premarital sex. Each one of us has to ask ourselves what we believe to be moral and if that fits in with engaging in sex. It’s hard to actually make up our own mind about what we value nowadays with biased sources like the media. The media not only says its ok to engage in premarital sex, but encourages it. All you have to do is flip on the television on any night of the week and watch anywhere from one to two hours of the current shows to understand that sex has been itemized as a do it when you want, with whomever you want product. That is a degradation of what should be an act of love between two married persons. The attitude of “Everyone’s doing it” would seem to erase all doubt in our mind as to whether premarital sex is ok. The problem with this little motto is that there are many things that “everyone’s doing” that are not ok. For example, (no matter how unrealistic) you could be living with fierce tribe of Indians who believe killing tourists is a sport. You could tell them that that is not a sport. They would respond “Everyone’s doing it.” And then they would probably kill you too. The same could apply to doing drugs, smoking, drinking, using obscene profanity, or streaking.
Statistics show that 66.3% of college men and 37.9% of college women believed that sex between two unmarried people is acceptable (Why Wait 1). What’s even more interesting is that this was in 1991, 16 years ago. By now, that number has probably increased. What is more, should we establish morals based on statistics? No. The only thing statistics show is how many people think that it’s ok. What people overlook is the percentage of people who disagree. What it comes down to is that the excuse “everybody’s doing it” is obsolete because “everybody” is not “doing it”, in fact there are many who don’t, and that puts those of us who remain abstinate in good company. By sticking to our morals, and not giving in to what the media would have us believe, premarital sex can be avoided.
Another big obstacle in the way of submitting to your sex drive and engaging in premarital sex is the effects of it. These can range from the obvious one, like children and STDs, or the overlooked ones like psychological damage and guilt. Its no secret that sex is a pleasurable experience and some would regard it even as recreation, but some don’t take in to account that it is also re-creation, meaning reproduction, the chief purpose of sex. People that just want sex for pleasure are missing sex’s main purpose. Weirdly enough most guys are still surprised when their girlfriend announces she’s pregnant. Nine months later, along comes a kid who’s going to eat up the couple’s time, money, and life, if indeed the couple is still together. The kid is huge. Because of unwanted pregnancies come abortions, unwanted children into the world, and the break up of families. It’s pretty common for the guy to quickly scram out of the relationship with his now pregnant girlfriend, leaving her alone to care for a child she didn’t plan on. A fair amount of single women out there are also single mothers. Colleges are full of them trying to advance themselves to provide better care fro their kid or kids. Not all parents react with joy to their new arrival though. Because many are unwanted, they may be ignored, abused, or even put up for adoption immediately. The child doesn’t deserve this. The couple, or single mother’s life will be changed forever because of one single act of indiscretion and selfishness.
Stemming from this are multiple other problems. Many teen couples or any couples who have a child outside of marriage welcome unwanted children into the world. People do not want sex limited to married couples because they want to deny people pleasure but rather “to protect unmarried people from unwanted pregnancies, from children born to parents who do not want them, and to protect children from parents who are not prepared for them”(Premarital 1). Kids are only the first of the effects of premarital sex. There is also a variety of nasty STDs, the worst being AIDS. People rationalize that if they take or wear contraceptives or condoms, it won’t happen to them. Unfortunately, condoms are very unreliable, and with the high percentage of people ages 14-23 having sex, the percentage of those who will get STDs is equally high. Many of these diseases ravage your sexual anatomy; some even make it so the ability to have children will be gone forever. As a whole there are over 25 STDs that affect over 13 million Americans each year (In the Know 1). Perhaps one of the most overlooked side-effects of premarital sex is the psychological damage to usually the girl, and the guilt afterwards.
Many people in relationships urge the other to show their love by initiating in sex. After one gives in, again usually the girl, the sex, which is supposed to be fun, usually turns into an awkward experience. After one side gets what they want, the relationship loses some of its energy that kept it alive. One person has been used and there is no going back. Any person who makes sex as the proof of love is not loving the other person, but rather loving the possibility of having sex. That is not love between two people but rather one person’s selfish desires and the other being pressured into a lose-lose situation. Usually, if the couple goes through with the act, one or both sides will feel guilt for their actions, and guilt turned sideways will produce anger, depression, and emotional scarring that will take years to get over, if ever. In a critique of both sides of premarital sex, Jimmy Williams says, “In short, there are no scars where there have been no wounds” (Why Wait 1).
Probably one of the worst areas in society that advocate premarital sex is the media. It’s no secret that the media is full of sex. Flip on the television at any time during the day, and if it isn’t “Sesame Street”, you can be certain there will be sexual innuendo, sex scenes, or sexual appeal, if not all of the above. The mistake we all make is assuming that what the media portrays to us is realistic. Nothing could be further from the truth. Is it any wonder many girls are trying to live a fairytale life like they see in their movies? No, because they believe that is how a real world works. Unfortunately for all of us, it doesn’t. The media constantly shows characters “getting laid”, trying to “get laid”, or making a business out of it. It seems like sex is as common as going up and giving a common gesture, like a handshake. But sex is awesome right? So who cares if these characters are having premarital sex? Well, here’s the answer; the media doesn’t show the result of sex, just the lead-up and act of it. The consequences should be lots of kids. After all, on a given T.V. show, the couple may have sex 2-3 times per episode. Another could be the horrible break-up. After all, the guy has just scored. What does he have to look forward to now? Nothing. The climax, pardon the pun, has been reached. This is the problem with the media. They show premarital sex as being ok, acceptable, and encouraged. Too many people soak this in like a sponge, forgetting that this is NOT reality.
The reality of the situation is there are consequences, and those consequences are not easily rid of.I’ve tried to exploit the other positions’ weaknesses along the way, but one of the main reasons I always hear from the opposition is the “We plan on being married soon. So why should we wait?” argument. If the “we love each other so much and plan to get married” couple chooses to consummate their relationship early, studies have shown that“Loss of respect and intensity of feelings may occur, as well as guilt and dissatisfaction” (Why Wait 1). If the couple just chooses abstinence until their marriage, the honeymoon will be so much more exciting, and the marriage will feel more complete. In a study conducted, Of 100 couples who cohabit, 40 break up before they marry. Of the 60 who marry, 45 divorce--leaving only 15 of 100 with a lasting marriage. Thus, cohabitation has two negative effects: it sharply reduces the number who marry, and dramatically increases the divorce rate of those who do (Why Wait 1). Almost any reason available as to why premarital sex is ok can be refuted, and many of the main ones I have done just that.
To conclude, premarital sex cannot be classified as immoral, mainly because we do not have any conclusive decision that decides that for us, but it does have hard consequences many couples can’t deal with and has no legitimate opposing views that can’t be disproved. In a society that seems to have morals that are deteriorating by each passing year, it’s important that we hang on to ones that offer some bit of importance. The media would tell you to “do what feels good” but I would say do what your conscience tells you is right, and to think about the repercussions of your actions because that is the only thing you should judge your decisions on.
